Boy or girl? Pink or blue? We decided this time to find out the baby’s sex. We hadn’t done with Alfie as we wanted it to be a surprise, but this time we wanted to know. I didn’t want to find out wi...
Waters, watermelon and waiting After leaving the hospital that day we went home and collapsed straight into bed. We both hid away from the world under the covers. And cried. How do you even go abou...
Two perfect little kidneys. We received a letter from Liverpool women's foetal medicine unit, they had made an appointment for us the following Thursday. So I went back to my old routine of lying i...
Where there are heartbeats, there is hope. I tried not to google and read things that aren't written by medical professionals, but it's difficult! Extremely difficult! You need that quick fix, some...
I'm sharing Arlo's story with you all, but I've this instalment is a little break from it. Mother's Day. It's just a day. We're a little bit nicer to our mum's, we make that special effort to see t...
Viability. I hate that word. Via-bloody-bility! Makes me want to scream. That's all we had been hoping for for the past 4 weeks, to make this point. The point where if our baby was born the hospita...
The hospital was crazy, crazy busy. But sometimes, you feel most alone in a crowd. This was the case for me. Even though the maternity base was extremely busy, I was completely by myself. Most wome...
One in, all in! I was awoken by my friendly alarm clock/tea lady at 8am on a Monday morning. The start of my second week in hospital. I was in a new, bigger room, with my very own tele that had pri...
Labour without delivery ward Having visitors to the hospital was amazing. The phone calls from family and friends, the messages too. They kept me sane! My mum and dad and Day's mum visited a couple...
A rollercoaster of emotions He didn't want to and I certainly didn't want him to, but Day returned home that night. As much as I needed him, so did Alfie and he had to go to work. It broke my heart...
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Never has there been a truer word spoken. And if you ask me, I wouldn't describe myself as strong. Because truly, I...
I was wheeled out of the Neonatal Unit back to labour and delivery, but was allowed to return to my room on the maternity base. I say wheeled, I mean pushed. Pushed or I would never have left. I co...
First meetings C section mum's with babies in neonatal always recover quickly. That's what the midwife told me as I heaved myself off the bed and into the wheel-chair. Some people think having a c ...
They don’t call neonatal a rollercoaster for nothing. We had climbed high, clogs turning, the chinking of the chains dragging us up and up from the depths notch by notch.I had been down there, with...
Where you get things both out of AND off your chest! Arlo was truly showing off at the moment. It was commented that Arlo was ‘ripping up the rulebook’ it was even mentioned that he ‘hadn’t done hi...
The Talk You get to know your own baby, even when you’re unable to pick them up and cuddle them close when even you want; even with all those wires, tubes and monitors, encapsulated in their own li...
Pink Pant Friday… I couldn’t think of a better subtitle. There are only a select few people who will know what this means, but I feel pink pant Friday should be shared! As I have mentioned before, ...
It became very easy to be wrapped up in the hospital life on the neonatal unit. The days flew by in a flurry; I didn’t once ever think I was bored, in fact I felt I barely had time for anything. In...
I’m struggling Ouch. Those words are painful to say. Just 2 words, 3 syllables all in, but they’re incredibly daunting. They open up so many questions, they may you feel incredibly vulnerable. You’...
Arlo had everyone baffled the whole way through pregnancy, birth and neonatal intensive care. He defeated all the odds over and over again. He was still struggling with his breathing and was still ...
Hemophagocytic Lymphohistiocytosis Yeah… What the title says! HEE-moh-Fa-goh-SIH-tik LIM-foh-HIS-tee-oh-sy-TOH-sis HLH for short. I walked into the neonatal unit the day after Arlo had his bone mar...
From the moment of diagnosis we had everything crossed that things were going to move forward. From the moment of treatment we were on the edge of our seats waiting for something to happen, for som...
There was no trend in the families needing the expertise of the neonatal unit. Families from all walks of life found themselves pressing the security buzzer on the neonatal unit door. They stood th...
Arriving at Arlo’s bedside the next day I felt numb. It’s hard to say why, I just did. The strain of the past few days hadn’t helped. As I gazed at my little fighter I felt something shift. He didn...
The ready meal scolded my mouth and throat as I simultaneously swallowed bites and spoke to Day and Alfie on the phone, while chucking things into my bag for my stay at the hospital. Somehow I held...
We sat there for what felt like an eternity clutching Arlo in our arms. Clutching Arlo in our arms as if that would stop our hearts from splintering. Prof came back in at some point and listened ca...
No baby should have a bath without ducks. Three seconds, three seconds that’s all. That first second upon waking, everything’s okay, that blissful second when your brain shifts from sleep to waking...
Sometimes in a crowd you feel most alone. The cobbled streets of Liverpool city centre were starting to feel festive. And even though it was only the middle of the afternoon the golden glow from th...
The fresh Manx wind that rocked the boat all the way back, hit my face and filled my lungs. I was home. A broken, defeated soldier returning from war. The familiar sights and smells of the Isle of ...
I had my ‘Bruce Almighty’ moment fairly early on After Arlo’s death- Screaming at sky till I was hoarse, punching my steering wheel and sobbing; projectile anger- exorcist like. Lily died. Arlo’s l...
The self preservation society I unfollowed some of you on Facebook, I avoided certain social situations, I didn’t push myself to make others happy, I avoided babies at all costs and looking back, I...
Arlo died 6 weeks before Christmas, and everyone said to me repeatedly that I didn’t need to do Christmas this year. Okay, there would be sadness surrounding Christmas, but Christmas was about gett...
What next? We’d survived Christmas without our boy. We’d scraped through on our hands and knees, but we’d got there. What now? We’d thought about surviving Christmas, but we hadn’t thought of anyth...
The next couple months passed in a blur of anxiety and unfinished business and I really struggled to cope. I saw a couple of counsellors and I didn’t like either of them. I felt judged and I didn’t...
